I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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