And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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