i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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