hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
