hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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