Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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