omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
