Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
