I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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