Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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