meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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