How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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