I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
