so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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