If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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