Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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