the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize