Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
