Will you blow on my dice?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
