Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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