you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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