$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
