Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize