I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
