I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
