Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize