apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.