Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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