You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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