nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday