alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
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he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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