There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize