Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.