Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I don't deserve a penis
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am