bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
