My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize