I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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