the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
