So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
