If that was your dad, he is hot
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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