Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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