I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.