you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.