She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.