so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!