Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
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Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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