grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
