you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
