just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
