When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
did you just send me my own nude
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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