i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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