I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Someone signed my nipple.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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