i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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