You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
