Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize