nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
