I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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