nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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